Blogger Sanity Awareness Week
Now, I know some of you may have been dissapointed with my lack of postings last week. When I miss a week, you may be tempted to log into your blogger account and disparage me for not providing you with material to procrastinate with. If you get the urge to do so, please resist it. I can tell you right now that it would most assuredly NOT be a nutritious part of this complete breakfast:
Just so you know, I happen to have a very good reason for not posting last week. You see, my dears, last week was school psychology awareness week here in California. I don't think I could, with a clean conscience, apply myself to frivolous writing with the knowledge that school psychologies right here in California are not made aware of right beneath my nose. I don't know, I just feel like they deserve some respect. Oh and also, so you can know ahead of time and plan accordingly, I fully intend to observe Genital Integrity Awareness Week. I, for one, want my genitals to be integrated, AND GODDAMN IT, I WANT TO BE AWARE OF IT TOO!
Oh, speaking of genitals, I was reminded vividly of the fact that I am still very much a child. Wait, that sounds WAY different than I meant it to! AAAUUGH! However, I'm too lazy to delete it right now, so I'll press on and hope that my monstrously ill conceived statement will make itself clear. Some of you are probably aware of a little java game called Text Twist" (at least you SHOULD be, seeing as Oct. 23-30 was "Text Twist Awareness Week"). Anyway, for those of you who do NOT celebrate our most cherished national holidays (Commie bastards!), I'll give a brief synopsis of the game: They give you six letters and you try to make words out of them (not unlike scrabble, boggle, babble, scrobble, bupple, baggle, bopple, and crosscraze). So, I'm playing my merry way through cyberspace, when all of the sudden, I see a particular word with certain, shall we say, *connotations* associated with it. Now, I'm 19 years old, male, medium-length brown hair, blue eyes, well built, and I enjoy walks on the beach, deep talks and dinner with your parents. Of course, only one of these things is relevant, and that being my age. Obviously, I'm not in junior high, so I didn't burst out laughing. No, instead I worked my way around said word until it became inevitable that I should try it to see if it registered with Text-Twist's extensive database of acceptable words. I began to perspire profusely. "What if it's on there", thought I, "then the word will stick up there and anyone who looks at my screen will think I'm a sicko because I immediately saw it". I glanced nervously around the room. My roommates were all engaged in cell phone conversations, homework, or Michael Jackson's Moonwalker: The Video Game (which, as its title implies, is a vidoe game in which you play Michael Jackson walking around killing gangsters with your special Michael Magicˇ and killer dance moves in order to rescue kidnapped children, who are then ostensibly whisked away to Neverland. Yep. Not making this up folks! You can download a ROM file of the game for Sega if you so desire). Anyway, I then began to ponder the consequences of the word NOT being right. Wouldn't I feel like a complete weirdo if I knew a word and attached a great significance to it when even standard English dictionaries don't? Do they just ASSUME that players of Text Twist are well adjusted members of society and don't want to insult them by even acknowledging the existence of dirty language? The suspense is killing me at this point. I swallow laboriously as I seruptitiously pull the window shade down... Turns out I ran out of time while dinking around, paranoid. Well, that's my "How pathetic is Bern" story for the week. Hey, it may be bad, but I could come up with a lot worse for some people!
Just so you know, I happen to have a very good reason for not posting last week. You see, my dears, last week was school psychology awareness week here in California. I don't think I could, with a clean conscience, apply myself to frivolous writing with the knowledge that school psychologies right here in California are not made aware of right beneath my nose. I don't know, I just feel like they deserve some respect. Oh and also, so you can know ahead of time and plan accordingly, I fully intend to observe Genital Integrity Awareness Week. I, for one, want my genitals to be integrated, AND GODDAMN IT, I WANT TO BE AWARE OF IT TOO!
Oh, speaking of genitals, I was reminded vividly of the fact that I am still very much a child. Wait, that sounds WAY different than I meant it to! AAAUUGH! However, I'm too lazy to delete it right now, so I'll press on and hope that my monstrously ill conceived statement will make itself clear. Some of you are probably aware of a little java game called Text Twist" (at least you SHOULD be, seeing as Oct. 23-30 was "Text Twist Awareness Week"). Anyway, for those of you who do NOT celebrate our most cherished national holidays (Commie bastards!), I'll give a brief synopsis of the game: They give you six letters and you try to make words out of them (not unlike scrabble, boggle, babble, scrobble, bupple, baggle, bopple, and crosscraze). So, I'm playing my merry way through cyberspace, when all of the sudden, I see a particular word with certain, shall we say, *connotations* associated with it. Now, I'm 19 years old, male, medium-length brown hair, blue eyes, well built, and I enjoy walks on the beach, deep talks and dinner with your parents. Of course, only one of these things is relevant, and that being my age. Obviously, I'm not in junior high, so I didn't burst out laughing. No, instead I worked my way around said word until it became inevitable that I should try it to see if it registered with Text-Twist's extensive database of acceptable words. I began to perspire profusely. "What if it's on there", thought I, "then the word will stick up there and anyone who looks at my screen will think I'm a sicko because I immediately saw it". I glanced nervously around the room. My roommates were all engaged in cell phone conversations, homework, or Michael Jackson's Moonwalker: The Video Game (which, as its title implies, is a vidoe game in which you play Michael Jackson walking around killing gangsters with your special Michael Magicˇ and killer dance moves in order to rescue kidnapped children, who are then ostensibly whisked away to Neverland. Yep. Not making this up folks! You can download a ROM file of the game for Sega if you so desire). Anyway, I then began to ponder the consequences of the word NOT being right. Wouldn't I feel like a complete weirdo if I knew a word and attached a great significance to it when even standard English dictionaries don't? Do they just ASSUME that players of Text Twist are well adjusted members of society and don't want to insult them by even acknowledging the existence of dirty language? The suspense is killing me at this point. I swallow laboriously as I seruptitiously pull the window shade down... Turns out I ran out of time while dinking around, paranoid. Well, that's my "How pathetic is Bern" story for the week. Hey, it may be bad, but I could come up with a lot worse for some people!
posted by Bern at 6:41 PM
3 comments
